she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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