yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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