Dual....:-)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
