So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
