I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
