there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
from now on my penis is your penis
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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