I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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