I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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