I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
