last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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