K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
