dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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