Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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