I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
