You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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