I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
