I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
