Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
