if i can run in heels then i can drive
from now on my penis is your penis
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
