You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
