The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
