He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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