PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
