Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
