Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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