Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
