sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
