i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
