Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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