I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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