I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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