Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
