Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
