just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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