"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
