drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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