nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
