Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dignity is for republicans.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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