I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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