If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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