I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
