I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
