I am puke
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We got so high we made milksteak
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
