Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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