wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
