Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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