I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
