i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
