We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
But theres a keg here and me gusta
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
