just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
