Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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