nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
