I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
